The will of Yamato Ishida
by LMN
Summary: Just something I came up with in my spare time. See what out favorite blond has to say as he departs the world. Warning: serious character bashing! R&R please!!!


Forward: This was inspired by something L wrote. It's funny, but there is a lot of character bashing. For this, I'm sorry. I hope you like. It's short since I wrote it in the middle of class. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon.  
  
  
My name is Yamato Ishida. If this is being read, it means that I'm laugh-*smiling* down upon you from Heaven. Being the popular heart-throb that I am, I have many possessions and know the ways of the world. Now I leave these items and my advice to you, my *friends* as I leave this world for another place.  
  
To Sora, dear, dear, Sora. I leave to you $1000. Now you can go and get your face fixed so it doesn't *always* give all those blank facial expressions. Oh, and Sora? I went to Vademon's shop. He has a sale on personalities. Go get one!! With whatever is left, not that there will be much with the surgery *you* need, you can go out and buy a life. You really need one of those.  
  
Mimi, I leave you with the advice to go and get some brain cell injections. I've even left you enough money for the first four sessions. You know, enough so that your I.Q. will be raised to a *positive* number! Although, being the one person in the world who is less intelligent then bricks, post-its, meatloaf, and hair spray, you'll probably just blow it all off at the mall. Oh well, I can't help all of you.  
  
Takeru, my loving, wonderful little brother. I leave you my wardrobe. I know you think that the fisherman's hat is 'cool', but "survivor" ended a month ago! Stop idolizing Gilligan!! You made me look bad!!!!! How embarrassed I was to call you my 'brother'. To think that the two of us are *related*. By *blood*!!! You can also have my membership to the Athletic Club. Now you can learn to stop running like a damn girl!!  
  
Hikari, my advice is to stop glowing like Christmas tree at the most inappropriate times. I always got the strongest urge to dub you 'Hotaru, blinking 'queen' of the sludge'. I leave you my battery charger for obvious reasons. Well, at least you seem to have taken the advice I gave you three years ago and lost the whistle. But, I hate you bread it to you, but someone can choke you with that camera you have just as easily.  
  
Koushiro, I leave you my guitar and harmonica. You *need* them. Anyone with the unnatural typing speed of 1000 words per minute *needs* to get some other interests. Also, I offer you the advice to buy a motorcycle and make hub caps for it by melting down that *blasted* laptop of yours. I don't believe *I'm* saying this but I agree with Tai that that thing needs a few good 'whacks'. With a sledgehammer. You spend so much time with that thing. You should be joined or something!!!!  
  
Jou. I leave you $500. I have great pity on your family. I should give them a break from buying you your medication. If stretched, this should provide you with enough meds to last you an hour or so. Personally, I think you should just end your life now and save your folks *a lot* of money, but if you don't, I offer everyone else this advice. But medical stocks. The way Jou goes through this stuff, you'll all be rich in a matter of weeks. How do you think I got where I was?  
  
Daisuke, Hikari does not like you!!!! Get it through that thick skull of yours she would rather take on the role of Releena and shout to the Kaizer to 'come and kill her' then spend two minutes with you. All you are is a Taichi wannabe. That's just *scary*. I leave to you my hair gel. If you want a role model, follow *me*. Before it's too late!!!   
  
Miyako, Iori. You two. What can I say? I never really met you or got to know you. I'm sure your losers, but that's beyond the point. I wish you *luck* on your journey. Luck that you'll die early and not have to undergo the torture *I* went through under my dumbass leader.  
  
Ken. All I can say is. Way to go! An keep up the good work!!! Davis *is* your enemy. Kindness is not the answer. First of all it's a dorky name for a crest and secondly, your digimental is *PINK*. I'm so sorry. No wonder you turned evil. My advice, keep the hair style, cause in the real world, you look like a girl.  
  
Now, Taichi, you cactus-headed jerk. I leave you $10 to buy a compass. With it, *maybe* you can find your way out of *something*. Back in the old days, you couldn't lead us out of a paper bag, much less to victory. It was plain dumb luck that we all didn't *die* under your great *leadership*. Or maybe not... You know how people say something is a blessing in disguise? Well, maybe the fact that your foolhardy action never got you or any of us killed was a *curse* in disguise. I know, personally, that there were times when I just wanted to *kill* myself then listen to your antis for a *second* longer. I remember having visions of choking you to death with those monstrous goggles you wore around your head. Which, by the way, you *never* used except to keep that brown forest on you head you call 'hair' from going all over the place and making your head look like a mop. How I was tempted to *wipe* the floors with it. But honestly, I really treasured our deep, intimate *friendship*. Like that time, when Hikari got sick, *again* and you backed into that cart of needles that all had Novocain in them, for example. I still remember that day. You drooled for *hours* and for the one time in my life, I was in earshot of you for over 15 seconds and did not hear a single, *clear* word out of you. Man, those were the good old days.  
  
Lastly, Jun? I know your there!!!!! Hiding behind a table or something crying your head off. Go away!!!!! Your what tipped me over the edge!!!!! You damn stalker!!!!! Get out of my life!!!!!!!! Just go away!!! Take the dead animals, running away in fear, and death threats as hints that I'm *not* interested!!!!!!!! You are a female version of *Tai*. I could never like you if my life depended on it!! Can't you see I'd rather stick a dark ring on Gatomon and let her lose on me then date you??!!!!!  
  
  
Well, now that all is said and done. I bid thee a final 'farewell' as I depart this material world for a better place up in the clouds. Good bye, dear *friends*, and Jun, who I know is *still* there, until we meet again, one that hopefully far *far* off day.  



End file.
